It certainly does. [ ... he's not really talked about this too much. it's easy to pick up on little hints and things layered in his conversation and the topic when it arises, but it's... different to talk to someone who has perhaps experienced something similar in their own way.
he's not sure what he thinks about that. ]
Ah. The scarring? I've never really bothered about whether mine have been seen. People either think it's decorative, or simply don't get answers to their questions.
[ it's easier to hide infernal runes than common tongue waters, he imagines. ]
[It's half relief, half exposure for Camille. This isn't like talking grief with a drunken John Keene. That is a faucet she can reach for with bitter righteousness. It's ugly and it's unnerving but loss is a trump card. People shut up for it. People think they don't have a right to tell you what to do with it. They'll judge of course, but behind your back.
This, though. Murky waters, for her and for Astarion. Maybe less for him, since he was ready to call bullshit the minute her mouth was on his. Thinking about her exploits as exploitative is still tender territory. A year ago she'd contested Richard on it, called it sexist that he'd defend her juvenile honour. Now she wonders herself, debates in silent stretches at night. Sometimes she's on her own side. Others, on every side but her own.]
So it's not something they'd recognize. [She does wonder if Gale clocked it, egghead that he is. Then again, she has to assume their world as as vast as any other. Can't just be one cryptic spell-crafting language kicking around.] I think most people take mine as a warning. "Don't stick your dick in crazy."
[Sad is cute, sad is sexy, but only to a point. Richard hadn't been able to look her in the eye after he'd seen them. He never got in touch. He'd been so keen to save her up until that moment, too.]
...What'll you do now?
cw: scarification again. there are so many cws aaa.
I expect both Gale and Karlach are aware of my scarring. [ that was one of the... fun? if that's word for it. one of the fun things about their group.
seeing where they overlap, and fall in line. what did one of them do that the others didn't? what did they all do that was the same? if astarion thinks about what he knows of them, and the quieter more personal moments shared when they'd looked to him as the leader for some kind of guidance, he can take guesses at what gale and karlach might know about him.
the moments where his rage against cazador had come to the surface. had he gone to them with questions about his own back, and shown them the marks there directly? anything was possible. once he realised it could be something more than just sadistic poetry caved into his back for fun, and for the power trip that came with it. ] As for anyone else? Well. They can ask, but I don't have to tell them about it. Not if I don't want to.
[ Not if I don't want to.
now. that's a phrase. something he'd had to step back and realised he had no real concept of. something he'd had to step back and grab onto with both hands, squeezing tightly until he understood the meaning of it. what it meant to choose for yourself, for real. ]
Other than try not to die here? I don't really know. If you mean on a personal level, like this-- well. I'm better than I was when I realised I had a problem I needed to figure out. So that's something.
[She wonders about some things. He "expects" they know, not they definitely know. They'd been there in the memory with him, how could they not be aware? Something to do with time?
But then Gale was already dead before he got here, and living in Astarion's memory. So what the hell was the implication here?
No matter. When the question comes back around to her she has no better answer than he does. Camille shrugs.]
I was already on the mend from a total breakdown. [Which he'd seen. Discovering the teeth, Amma's arrest, her rendez-vous with the knife in the bathroom.] Cut out the liquor, the sharp objects. Hadn't touched a man in a year, really.
So. Keep floating I guess. Hope I hit land eventually. Or maybe a nice log to buoy me along.
[Camille wipes at her face. It's getting late. Her mind's still running but her body feels sluggish, lulled in by the crackling heat of the Pyre.]
I won't bother you again, though. You're not that pretty.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
scrapdraught) wrote2024-06-09 08:28 pm
no subject
It certainly does. [ ... he's not really talked about this too much. it's easy to pick up on little hints and things layered in his conversation and the topic when it arises, but it's... different to talk to someone who has perhaps experienced something similar in their own way.
he's not sure what he thinks about that. ]
Ah. The scarring? I've never really bothered about whether mine have been seen. People either think it's decorative, or simply don't get answers to their questions.
[ it's easier to hide infernal runes than common tongue waters, he imagines. ]
no subject
This, though. Murky waters, for her and for Astarion. Maybe less for him, since he was ready to call bullshit the minute her mouth was on his. Thinking about her exploits as exploitative is still tender territory. A year ago she'd contested Richard on it, called it sexist that he'd defend her juvenile honour. Now she wonders herself, debates in silent stretches at night. Sometimes she's on her own side. Others, on every side but her own.]
So it's not something they'd recognize. [She does wonder if Gale clocked it, egghead that he is. Then again, she has to assume their world as as vast as any other. Can't just be one cryptic spell-crafting language kicking around.] I think most people take mine as a warning. "Don't stick your dick in crazy."
[Sad is cute, sad is sexy, but only to a point. Richard hadn't been able to look her in the eye after he'd seen them. He never got in touch. He'd been so keen to save her up until that moment, too.]
...What'll you do now?
cw: scarification again. there are so many cws aaa.
seeing where they overlap, and fall in line. what did one of them do that the others didn't? what did they all do that was the same? if astarion thinks about what he knows of them, and the quieter more personal moments shared when they'd looked to him as the leader for some kind of guidance, he can take guesses at what gale and karlach might know about him.
the moments where his rage against cazador had come to the surface. had he gone to them with questions about his own back, and shown them the marks there directly? anything was possible. once he realised it could be something more than just sadistic poetry caved into his back for fun, and for the power trip that came with it. ] As for anyone else? Well. They can ask, but I don't have to tell them about it. Not if I don't want to.
[ Not if I don't want to.
now. that's a phrase. something he'd had to step back and realised he had no real concept of. something he'd had to step back and grab onto with both hands, squeezing tightly until he understood the meaning of it. what it meant to choose for yourself, for real. ]
Other than try not to die here? I don't really know. If you mean on a personal level, like this-- well. I'm better than I was when I realised I had a problem I needed to figure out. So that's something.
... And you?
when will this end CW: self harm mention
But then Gale was already dead before he got here, and living in Astarion's memory. So what the hell was the implication here?
No matter. When the question comes back around to her she has no better answer than he does. Camille shrugs.]
I was already on the mend from a total breakdown. [Which he'd seen. Discovering the teeth, Amma's arrest, her rendez-vous with the knife in the bathroom.] Cut out the liquor, the sharp objects. Hadn't touched a man in a year, really.
So. Keep floating I guess. Hope I hit land eventually. Or maybe a nice log to buoy me along.
[Camille wipes at her face. It's getting late. Her mind's still running but her body feels sluggish, lulled in by the crackling heat of the Pyre.]
I won't bother you again, though. You're not that pretty.
bans them from cw
... [ he hmms slightly. ] Well, in the nicest way possible my dear, I won't apologise for not letting you break your streak.
[ it would probably have been a very bad, very messy thing. for her and for him.
and then he scoffs. ]
I'm lovely actually. How rude. [ there's a little lilt there though. playing along. ]
finally free
[PROBABLY BAD. Emotionally and morally speaking.
She smiles, scrunches her nose and waggles a hand.]
Eh.
yahoo
[ both of you stop. and then he just snorts. ]
There's no accounting for taste.