You know, I really did consider it. I could have killed you. I would have killed you, set you free of your misery and guilt. I would have been as gentle as I could with it. If only you'd say yes.
[She recalls, suddenly the way her mother seized her one of her first nights back in Wind Gap. Traced the bare spot on her back, where her razors couldn't comfortably reach.
"The only place you have left. Someday I'll carve my name there."
Would it have been setting her free? Or simply more marks on a body? New ones she didn't get to choose. It wouldn't be her death: it would be his murder. She'd slip away under the deed and he'd go on holding court, talking circles around former friends. Then he'd die, and their bodies would disappear, but everyone would remember Daan and his mania, and how sweet he'd been before. People liked the shock of a killer better than the tragedy of a victim.
She should know. She's lived with both.]
Once was enough. And Rondo took very good care of me. Thank you for your consideration.
I don't get it though. Izutsumi? [She knows her own killing was happenstance. Cloud grabbed the drugged drink and painted the bullseye on his own back. Where does skittish, testy Izutsumi fit into this?] Did she say something to you too?
I don't know. It's all a blur. Such a long week...
That weekend you were set free, I saw him again. Yellow eyes. It was only for a half-day, but he'd returned nonetheless. It was like I was reminded, opened that particular floodgate, and I kept turning his phrases over and over since then.
Then that... Thursday adventure. He returned. Asked if I'd give my finger in exchange to save Pickles. Always in my periphery. You know, it didn't matter in the end -- I had to kill Pickles myself to "win" the tournament, save Karlach's life instead. And look where that got me. Isn't that funny? I really can't crawl out of this fucking pit, Camille.
[ You love, and you lose. That's what you do to others. ...But he digresses. ]
Those yellow eyes stayed, even after I'd returned. Followed me even when I stayed up past the usual hour. I thought, maybe that was it for me. Then it's all really a blur from there. Yellow eyes, fear. Next thing I know, there's a corpse under me, but it's not of the cat I wanted to see dead.
[After she'd been set free. Two weeks then, soaking in the filth. Watching things get worse, and worse.
Her breathing stops as he finally fesses up about the finger. She can just see it too. Scalpel to the knuckle in a desperate plea. Scalpel to the dog. Karlach alive but Pickles down, Elise rending his face, then down, a purring in his ear and a certainty that it won't ever get better than this.
You love and you lose. Banging it right on the head.
Her mouth is dry by the time he finishes. Sour with the booze, still. Her stomach does an ugly roll as she imagines Izutsumi fighting for it, tooth and nail. Just a fucking kid and a man possessed, trapped after dark with nowhere to run.]
...I see.
[Look at that, she got some answers. Not good ones, but they're here. Limp and stinking on the ground in front of her.]
It's...contrived. You have to know that. The things that happen here aren't natural. Prehevil isn't either. The point of the game is to twist you.
So I don't blame you for taking the deal. I can't, I'm... [She shakes her head, quick and done. Purge the thought.] They set it up for you just right. Everyone. We're not meant to win in this arena, and I can't blame you for choosing this.
I just wish I could take you to a kinder place. Because they're real. More real than most of this. I'm pissed you won't get to see them. I'm pissed that you're too far gone to consider it.
[She'd be giving up fingers too. You dangle Marian in front of her, she might walk right off the high road to catch her. Camille can feel the tears rolling now. The booze is kicking in, tired of being sidelined for the tension. She pats her face with her sleeve and never takes her eyes from his, even if it burns to look.]
I'd wanted to help you see something different. I'm sorry I wasn't much good at it.
It's too bad. I would've felt better after this week. I'm invested in my own survival now, even without this monster also screaming at me tooth and nail to live.
[ Nobody knows what week six, seven, eight (real time not mg-scheduling naming) will have in store for them. But at least Daan'd just found a way to make it digestible, even if it's in a way everyone else hates -- including himself.
Did you know you can unlock dialogue from him talking about what he'd like to do in the future? Get out of the city, move on? Carve out a new life? You can only get this dialogue in the ending where he is guaranteed to never escape. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[She doesn't move.]
Even if it's wasted, there are worse ways to waste it than with you.
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You're nothing that low, Daan. Not to me.
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You know, I really did consider it. I could have killed you. I would have killed you, set you free of your misery and guilt. I would have been as gentle as I could with it. If only you'd say yes.
cw: self harm mention, abusive parents
"The only place you have left. Someday I'll carve my name there."
Would it have been setting her free? Or simply more marks on a body? New ones she didn't get to choose. It wouldn't be her death: it would be his murder. She'd slip away under the deed and he'd go on holding court, talking circles around former friends. Then he'd die, and their bodies would disappear, but everyone would remember Daan and his mania, and how sweet he'd been before. People liked the shock of a killer better than the tragedy of a victim.
She should know. She's lived with both.]
Once was enough. And Rondo took very good care of me. Thank you for your consideration.
I don't get it though. Izutsumi? [She knows her own killing was happenstance. Cloud grabbed the drugged drink and painted the bullseye on his own back. Where does skittish, testy Izutsumi fit into this?] Did she say something to you too?
no subject
I don't know. It's all a blur. Such a long week...
That weekend you were set free, I saw him again. Yellow eyes. It was only for a half-day, but he'd returned nonetheless. It was like I was reminded, opened that particular floodgate, and I kept turning his phrases over and over since then.
Then that... Thursday adventure. He returned. Asked if I'd give my finger in exchange to save Pickles. Always in my periphery. You know, it didn't matter in the end -- I had to kill Pickles myself to "win" the tournament, save Karlach's life instead. And look where that got me. Isn't that funny? I really can't crawl out of this fucking pit, Camille.
[ You love, and you lose. That's what you do to others. ...But he digresses. ]
Those yellow eyes stayed, even after I'd returned. Followed me even when I stayed up past the usual hour. I thought, maybe that was it for me. Then it's all really a blur from there. Yellow eyes, fear. Next thing I know, there's a corpse under me, but it's not of the cat I wanted to see dead.
no subject
Her breathing stops as he finally fesses up about the finger. She can just see it too. Scalpel to the knuckle in a desperate plea. Scalpel to the dog. Karlach alive but Pickles down, Elise rending his face, then down, a purring in his ear and a certainty that it won't ever get better than this.
You love and you lose. Banging it right on the head.
Her mouth is dry by the time he finishes. Sour with the booze, still. Her stomach does an ugly roll as she imagines Izutsumi fighting for it, tooth and nail. Just a fucking kid and a man possessed, trapped after dark with nowhere to run.]
...I see.
[Look at that, she got some answers. Not good ones, but they're here. Limp and stinking on the ground in front of her.]
It's...contrived. You have to know that. The things that happen here aren't natural. Prehevil isn't either. The point of the game is to twist you.
So I don't blame you for taking the deal. I can't, I'm... [She shakes her head, quick and done. Purge the thought.] They set it up for you just right. Everyone. We're not meant to win in this arena, and I can't blame you for choosing this.
I just wish I could take you to a kinder place. Because they're real. More real than most of this. I'm pissed you won't get to see them. I'm pissed that you're too far gone to consider it.
[She'd be giving up fingers too. You dangle Marian in front of her, she might walk right off the high road to catch her. Camille can feel the tears rolling now. The booze is kicking in, tired of being sidelined for the tension. She pats her face with her sleeve and never takes her eyes from his, even if it burns to look.]
I'd wanted to help you see something different. I'm sorry I wasn't much good at it.
no subject
[ Nobody knows what week six, seven, eight (real time not mg-scheduling naming) will have in store for them. But at least Daan'd just found a way to make it digestible, even if it's in a way everyone else hates -- including himself.
Did you know you can unlock dialogue from him talking about what he'd like to do in the future? Get out of the city, move on? Carve out a new life? You can only get this dialogue in the ending where he is guaranteed to never escape. ]