scrapdraught | Asa Mitaka

You don't know that.

[can't keep quite the whine out of her voice. she's spiraling a little, rubbing her face and taking a deep breath to stop the tears from coming. something always goes wrong...

though i would honestly have to respect the hustle if someone really slam dunked a proposal in with 4 hours left before they closed. the absolute power.]

[HONESTLY YEAH RESPECT IF THEY DID]

I know you didn't force their hand.

[Oh, god. This poor fucking girl. Camille steps a little, ducks her head some, speaks softer.]

I know that this place has pushed plenty of other people to do things they never wanted to. With or without a motive. You don't know that it is you.

Edited 2024-07-13 04:14 (UTC)

[she looks at her like she thinks she is a wee bit insane. maybe it's the fact that she's comforting someone who helped stab her.]

How can you say that? After what we did to you...

What, now I've got to believe you're to blame for everything forever?

[Camille shakes her head.]

You didn't relish in it. I would have hurt someone if you hadn't. And you brought me back.

[Are there mixed feelings? Oh, absolutely. Camille is still uncertain about whether returning was worth the trip at all.

Looking at Asa on the verge of a panic attack, she loathes herself for thinking it. She can't let the weight of her life break a teenage girl's back. Not on top of the fresh loss.]

I don't hate you. I don't blame you. And I don't want you wasting your life blaming yourself. It's not worth it. Believe me.

["don't waste the rest of your life blaming yourself" is a very funny thing to say to asa of all people, considering... well. it's fine. she stares at her for a moment longer and then just. covers her eyes with her hand.]

Are you talking from experience? About... not blaming yourself. About it not being worth it.

[Camille wets her lips. Her eyes dart between Asa's.

It's not like it's a well kept secret around here.

Calmly, coolly, she pushes up one sleeve to the elbow. Then the other.

Eveything from the wrist up is scarred. Jagged words carved into her own skin by whatever means she'd had, cultivated over the years. Curls. Worry. Dogma. Liar. Lipstick. Disjointed sentiments, cutesy feminine thoughts clashing against bitter lashings.

They continue past where she's lifted her sleeves. Very far.]

I've all but run out of space.

[the thing about being 18, barely, is that asa still lives in that headspace where she thinks that nobody in the world has it worse than her. everything feels so apocalyptic that it's hard to register that it's not necessarily true.

then she gets smacked in the face with something like this and she doesn't know what to do with it. stares at camille's arm in shock, mouth opening and closing like she's struggling to find the words.

after a few seconds, all she manages to say is a somewhat distraught:]

Camille...

[She gets no pleasure from it. Camille folds the sleeves back down quick, swallowing thick, hesitant.

Was that the right move, or the wrong one? A wake up call or an extra weight on a young girl's back?]

Like I said, it's not worth punishing yourself. Bad things can happen to you. They can happen around you. And maybe sometimes because of you. I won't lie about that. That's life, we're all going to fuck it up in some way.

But the blame doesn't always lie with you. [She looks her in the eyes. Reaches for her arm, the gesture tender but tentative.] You're a better person than you believe yourself to be, Asa. If you really were so rotten, it wouldn't hurt so bad when things went wrong.

Asa Mitaka

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Cw: self harm

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