[There's the misery that floats between them through the thoughtshare, and the misery laying apparent to anyone with working eyes. No real need to explain it.
Camille rubs at her neck, looking away as she fishes for the words.
Still, I am sorry. [She holds his gaze, too weary for nerves. Too honest to back away.] It was a fucking stupid mistake. I let panic get the best of me and it cost us someone we couldn't afford to lose.
And it put you in a shit position. Maybe it would have happened anyway, maybe it wouldn't. Doesn't change what I did.
[ ... he doesn't really want to say the words out loud, because it makes them feel very real in and way that makes his skin crawl, but: ]
We lost her as soon as she was possessed. She didn't want to be revived.
[ it... made sense. truly. even if it had sucked to hear directly from karlach herself. ] I don't think a lot of you realised how much pressure you put her under, because she's good at soldiering through.
[ it's not a personal attack, just an observation. things that he observed over the past few weeks. ]
[Her own talk had been heartbreaking enough. Camille was wasted and Karlach was possessed for the bulk of it, but there was enough truth in there. She didn't want what Camille had been given. Wise, really. After today she can't say it's been worth the trip.]
Frankly, I worried about her. Half the time I caught her alone she was in tears. I tried. Whenever I found her in that way, I tried to give back what she gave.
Big heart. It's a blessing and a curse. More the latter in a place like this.
Someone told her, after Aerith died, that she was the last remaining light here. [ it's a good thing it's not emotionshare week because BOY does he have feelings about that. ]
I suppose they meant well, but I'd have preferred if they just kept their opinion to themselves.
[ because that was the whole deal! karlach being karlach and everyone accepting it and leaning on her without thinking. ]
She and Rondo were as good as the same person, even if he was a bit evasive about admitting it. Or just didn't understand what I was getting at. Cruel, really.
That's not... [She gives a shake, small, tight and disapproving. Then scoffs and looks away.] Fine thing to put on a person.
[She thinks of Rondo. Quick to fall to tears, but oh so eager to help. A puppy of a boy. Karlach had more worldliness to her but the core drives were aligned.]
Yeah. I can see it. Maybe she held herself together better, but they both pushed themselves too hard for too many people. And people get comfortable with that. Expect it.
[She folds her arms, head bowed. Working past the thickness in her throat.]
But...at least there's people she might get to see there again. Wherever it is they're going. Doesn't sound like any heaven or hell I know of. [The Lord Almighty doesn't let his angels send letters by post.] I just hope it's better than this.
Yes, well. I suspect they didn’t think they were putting that pressure on her, but I’m not sure how it could’ve been seen any other way.
[ the less said about it the better. he can only fume so many times a day after all. ]
Older. More experience. Shittier hand in life, and I will say that with confidence. It’s hardly a contest though, but it does change you. There’s a saying about checking on the friends who seem fine, but I’m not sure how many people know that.
[ … he sighs. ]
Yes, it seems that way doesn’t it. Perhaps not quite gone, but somewhere inbetween where they can be drawn back from. It wouldn’t be the first time we’ve made use of a place like that. [ of course… they had a mysterious wraith helping them, but he suspects withers would have been as helpless as them here, so there’s little point in wistfully considering all he could’ve done. ]
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Camille rubs at her neck, looking away as she fishes for the words.
Well. Nothing wrong with the classic.]
I owe you an apology.
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...
Yes, I think you do. But I doubt what happened would've changed the outcome of everything.
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Gale told me as much, too.
Still, I am sorry. [She holds his gaze, too weary for nerves. Too honest to back away.] It was a fucking stupid mistake. I let panic get the best of me and it cost us someone we couldn't afford to lose.
And it put you in a shit position. Maybe it would have happened anyway, maybe it wouldn't. Doesn't change what I did.
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We lost her as soon as she was possessed. She didn't want to be revived.
[ it... made sense. truly. even if it had sucked to hear directly from karlach herself. ] I don't think a lot of you realised how much pressure you put her under, because she's good at soldiering through.
[ it's not a personal attack, just an observation. things that he observed over the past few weeks. ]
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Frankly, I worried about her. Half the time I caught her alone she was in tears. I tried. Whenever I found her in that way, I tried to give back what she gave.
Big heart. It's a blessing and a curse. More the latter in a place like this.
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Someone told her, after Aerith died, that she was the last remaining light here. [ it's a good thing it's not emotionshare week because BOY does he have feelings about that. ]
I suppose they meant well, but I'd have preferred if they just kept their opinion to themselves.
[ because that was the whole deal! karlach being karlach and everyone accepting it and leaning on her without thinking. ]
She and Rondo were as good as the same person, even if he was a bit evasive about admitting it. Or just didn't understand what I was getting at. Cruel, really.
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That's not... [She gives a shake, small, tight and disapproving. Then scoffs and looks away.] Fine thing to put on a person.
[She thinks of Rondo. Quick to fall to tears, but oh so eager to help. A puppy of a boy. Karlach had more worldliness to her but the core drives were aligned.]
Yeah. I can see it. Maybe she held herself together better, but they both pushed themselves too hard for too many people. And people get comfortable with that. Expect it.
[She folds her arms, head bowed. Working past the thickness in her throat.]
But...at least there's people she might get to see there again. Wherever it is they're going. Doesn't sound like any heaven or hell I know of. [The Lord Almighty doesn't let his angels send letters by post.] I just hope it's better than this.
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[ the less said about it the better. he can only fume so many times a day after all. ]
Older. More experience. Shittier hand in life, and I will say that with confidence. It’s hardly a contest though, but it does change you. There’s a saying about checking on the friends who seem fine, but I’m not sure how many people know that.
[ … he sighs. ]
Yes, it seems that way doesn’t it. Perhaps not quite gone, but somewhere inbetween where they can be drawn back from. It wouldn’t be the first time we’ve made use of a place like that. [ of course… they had a mysterious wraith helping them, but he suspects withers would have been as helpless as them here, so there’s little point in wistfully considering all he could’ve done. ]